Chapter 17

There was a time when, like the husband in this chapter, I, too, had decided that my spouse (who, my spouse? the nicest guy in the world?) just didn't understand me. I made the bold move to buy Dr. Dobson's book What Wives Wish Their Husband's Knew About Women and was going to give it to him (Mr. I-Hate-to-Read) and ask him to read it. Well, I bought it and thought I'd read it first. I was so personally convicted by some of the things I read that I never gave him the book. Never mentioned it. He still doesn't know. Don't tell him.

Anyway, I found that the more I focused on what I wanted him to change, the more convicted I was about things in my life, and I began praying differently. My prayers were no longer "whiney." I asked God to help me be a better wife, and I chose a couple of specific things that I asked God for that would make my husband be more like Christ, not just more like my version of the perfect husband. I am ashamed to admit it, but surprisingly, God answered my prayers--not ashamed that God answered, but ashamed that I was surprised.

What I learned was not just that God desires good for me, but that that good was to be found in less focus on myself, and more focus on a desire to be more like Christ, both him and me. My prayers like this have continued over the years, and God has blessed us both, continuing to answer, because He is pleased to continue making us more like His Son. And that makes for a better marriage.

Do I have a perfect husband yet? No, but neither does he have a perfect wife. But as the author states, when we realize who WE are, and seeing the mercy that God is continually extending to us, we become thankful. "A thankful heart is constantly extending grace because it has received grace.... God poured out on His Own Son the criticism I deserve. Now He invites me to pour out undeserving grace on someone who has hurt me. Grace begets grace. This...is taking a journey into the heart of God."

My God continue to make us seek less for ourselves and more for His kingdom.